Girlhood

November 30, 2020
Febos (Abandon Me) recounts her traumatizing adolescence in eight revealing essays. As she writes in the introduction, “I was a happy child. The age of ten or eleven... marked a violent turn” in which the harsh realities of true “girlhood” began. She then comments on the horrific ways in which women are bent from an early age by the male ego, citing examples from classic literature (“I recently reread Edith Wharton’s House of Mirth and found it almost too painful to finish”), film, and behavioral research. In “Kettle Holes,” she recalls how, at 11, a neighborhood boy repeatedly spat on her for reasons she still cannot comprehend. In “Mirror Test,” at 12, she submitted to the groping of a friend’s brother and his friends as part of a “game,” and it’s moments such as these, she writes, that “trained her mind” to embrace values “that do not prioritize safety, happiness, freedom.” Over time, she adopted false “stories about ,” which led to heroin abuse and a harrowing stint in sex work. She closes with “Les Calanques,” in which she describes her recovery in the South of France on a monastic writing retreat. The prose is restrained but lyrical throughout. Raw and unflinching, this dark coming-of-age story impresses at every turn.

March 1, 2021

Febos (English, Univ. of Iowa; Whip Smart) returns with a new collection of essays about the bridge between girlhood and womanhood. Dissecting the transitory innocence of adolescence, this latest work uses themes of sex and power to explore the old adage "What you think, you become." Recounting self-destructive behaviors that led to her personal transformation and eventual salvation from drug addiction and social programming to please men, Febos's newest collection of essays addresses misogyny from the inside out. From the dangers of stalkers, to enlightening revelations at cuddle parties, this work is powerful, raw, and provocative. With her signature rhythmic style and stream of consciousness propelling the narrative, the author's critique of becoming is as tender as it is relentless. Febos's writing possesses the same heartbreaking elegance and haunting lyricism as that of feminist authors Roxane Gay, Caitlin Moran, and Carmen Maria Machado. VERDICT A thought-provoking collection that will appeal to fans of fierce feminist prose. The inclusion of occasional poetry is a bonus.--Alana Quarles, Fairfax County P.L., Alexandria, VA

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Starred review from January 1, 2021
An acclaimed nonfiction writer gathers essays embracing the pleasure, pain, and power of growing up as a girl and woman. In her latest powerful personal and cultural examination, Febos interrogates the complexities of feminism and the "darkness" that has defined much of her life and career. In "Kettle Holes," she describes how experiences of humiliation at the hands of a boy she loved helped shape some of the pleasure she later found working as a dominatrix (an experience she vividly recounted in her 2010 book, Whip Smart). As she fearlessly plumbed the depths of her precocious sexuality in private, she watched in dismay as patriarchal society transformed her into a "passive thing." In "Wild America," the author delves into body-shaming issues, recounting how, during adolescence, self-hatred manifested as a desire to physically erase herself and her "gigantic" hands. Only later, in the love she found with a lesbian partner, did she finally appreciate the pleasure her hands could give her and others. Febos goes on to explore the complicated nature of mother-daughter relationships in "Thesmophoria," writing about the suffering she brought to her mother through lies and omissions about clandestine--and sometimes dangerous--sexual experiments and youthful flirtations with crystal meth and heroin. Their relationship was based on the "ritual violence" that informed the Persephone/Demeter dyad, in which the daughter alternately brought both pain and joy to her mother. "Intrusions" considers how patriarchy transforms violence against women into narratives of courtship that pervert the meaning of love. In "Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself," Febos memorably demonstrates how the simple act of platonic touching can be transformed into a psychosexual minefield for women. Profound and gloriously provocative, this book--a perfect follow-up to her equally visceral previous memoir, Abandon Me (2017)--transforms the wounds and scars of lived female experience into an occasion for self-understanding that is both honest and lyrical. Consistently illuminating, unabashedly ferocious writing.

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Starred review from February 1, 2021
Febos' third work of memoir, following Whip Smart (2010) and Abandon Me (2017), springs from a fissure: ""the time when my childhood became more distinctly a girlhood."" In long, artistic, and art-informed essays that are rich with references, Febos looks to her past and to the woman it continues to guide. ""Wild America,"" named for the PBS nature show she loved as a kid, is a roving catalog of delighting in her own animalness and the eventual, painful understanding that it must be tamed. ""I imagine reversing the film of my personhood, reeling the spool to find the single frame where it all changes."" Multiple pieces consider how women and girls learn that they are looked at, and the fracturing effects of being forced to accept this unrelenting observation. In particular, ""Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself"" begins at an organized adult cuddle party and becomes a wide-ranging study of complexities of consent in a patriarchal society. Buzzing black-and-white drawings by Forsyth Harmon begin each essay, illustrating a quote from the piece. In this book of liberating inquiry and divine depth, Febos again and again connects the constellations of herself and the world she and all women must learn to live in.

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