Girls & Sex

Starred review from November 23, 2015
Bestselling journalist Orenstein follows up Cinderella Ate My Daughter with a look at what happens when the little princess hits puberty. The result is an eye-opening, sometimes horrifying look at sex for today’s girls and young adults. Through frank interviews, research, and school visits, Orenstein reveals that, on average, young women are engaging in sexual contact earlier than ever, in more varied ways, and reporting more coercion and less satisfaction than their male counterparts. She cuts through many of the prickly topics associated with girls’ sexuality in contemporary culture, including purity debates, hook-up culture, arguments about what girls wear, rape and consent on college campuses, the problem of porn, and what kind of sex education actually works. She looks briefly at gender fluidity and touches on the concerns of LGBTQ young women. Orenstein draws powerful, humane portraits of her interview subjects, self-reliant young women who find themselves trapped by sexist stereotypes about women’s bodies and women’s pleasure. In this smart, earnest, and timely assessment, Orenstein urges frank, open communication among trusted adults and curious teens, declaring it the best way to encourage girls and boys to make safe, healthy decisions that “end in joy and honor rather than regret, guilt, or shame” and achieve “intimate justice.”

December 1, 2015

A keen observer of girlhood cultures, Orenstein (Cinderella Ate My Daughter) turns her analytic eye on the experiences of girls and young women growing into sexual adulthood at the dawn of the 21st century. Weaving the stories of young adult interviewees (the majority of whom are college-bound or college students, white, cisgender, and heterosexual) with the voices of scholars and political activists, the author charts the contemporary landscape within which middle-class American girls explore their sexual selves. From social media to school dress codes, and from rape culture to campus hook-ups, the meaning of virginity and the state of sexuality education today, much of what Orenstein distills will be familiar to readers well versed in these subjects. However, her accessible prose and narrative style will bring the work of many thoughtful experts to a wider audience, and the selected bibliography encourages further study. While this book largely documents our systemic failure to support young women's sexual thriving, the final chapters point toward potential solutions, including an important reminder that men and boys must be included in any successful intervention. VERDICT Young adults, parents, educators, and activists alike will find this passionate work a timely conversation starter. [See Prepub Alert, 9/28/15.]--Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook, Massachusetts Historical Soc. Lib., Boston

Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

January 1, 2016
An examination of the newest trends in the sex lives of young women in America. After interviewing dozens of young women between the ages of 15 and 20, as well as educators, sociologists, psychologists, and other experts, New York Times Magazine contributing writer Orenstein (Cinderella Ate My Daughter, 2011, etc.) has compiled an eye-opening study of the way that girls and women in America think, feel, and act regarding sex. With a daughter of her own soon entering this new phase of her life, the author sought to understand the current culture, "at a time when celebrities presented self-objectification as a source of strength, power, independence; when looking desirable seemed a substitute for feeling desire; when 50 Shades of Grey...was being hailed as the ultimate feminine fantasy; when no woman under the age of forty appeared to have pubic hair." What she discovered was both intriguing and highly disturbing. With interviews that lasted for hours, the girls discussed the fine line they walk between dressing to look "hot" and then being called a slut if they engage in too many sexual acts. They were frank about the often unspoken expectations of boys to receive fellatio with no sense of reciprocity and how the act has become so common that most girls don't even consider it sex. Ready access to pornography via the Internet has raised boys' expectations of how girls will react when engaged in intercourse. The girls speak explicitly and honestly about their hookups and the pressures they feel during these casual encounters and the disturbing number of drunken "date rape" incidents. Orenstein also delves into the sexual subculture surrounding fraternities and sororities, which continues the ongoing discussion regarding consent and the meanings of "yes" and "no." Though the author doesn't offer many solutions, the abundant information she provides will give parents and young girls the power to make informed decisions regarding sex. Ample, valuable information on the way young women in America perceive and react to their sexual environment.

COPYRIGHT(2016) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

February 15, 2016
Sex and teenagers have always gone together, but parents reading Orenstein's frank exploration of current trends may still be in for a shock. She interviews more than 70 young women between the ages of 15 and 20, attempting to understand their views on when sex is sex, the nature of hook-ups, orgasms, oral sex, abstinence, sex education, gender identity, online pornography, and other hot topics. What the journalist found again and again was talk of what the boys expected and the girls' feeling of power in sexual situations. Teens spoke about uncomfortable parents dodging their questions and educators preaching only abstinence. They seemed at a loss when asked about intimacy and sexual satisfaction. Orenstein compares the U.S. to Holland, where education includes sexual pleasure, contraceptives are readily available, and conversations are open. This isn't a comfortable book to read (Orenstein herself admits twinges a few times), but it's an important one. Like it or not, if parents are to prepare themselves for honest conversation, they need to be aware of the situations their girls (and boys) face.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2016, American Library Association.)